Saturday, March 12, 2011

Thirty[ish] Days of Kink: The Underworld Edition - Day 1

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.


I am definitely 100% submissive. I honestly have no interest in being a Dominant or even a Switch, and would only do so if Synthetik wanted me to. I don't think I'd exactly be in my element and wouldn't fully enjoy it, though I'm pretty sure that he's more than happy being dominant, and has no interest in me dominating him, lol. Which I guess is a good thing and works out well for us.



Being submissive to him (well, technically I'm his Slave, but still), to me, means giving him my all, 100%, and not holding back or reserving any part of me for someone else. Basically, giving him something that absolutely no one else has: every single bit of me (it is because of this and other reasons why he and I are completely monogamous, but more on that later).


It's gaining pleasure from giving pleasure to him. Knowing that I make him feel good makes me feel good (just like making him happy makes me happy, too). Not to mention the pleasure he gives me, as well.


It's giving him control, and knowing he won't abuse it, and won't harm me. One of the things he told me (it was actually during my Soul-search), "You know that I will only hurt you to give you pleasure", which is not only *very* sexy, but it really means so much to me, it honestly does.


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(*This may seem like a random tangent, but bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this, lol*)


I won't go into it too much here, but I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my father and his wife (mainly by his wife, my Step-mother, but my father knew about it and chose to ignore it). For five years of my life, from the time I was 13, until I was 18, it was all I knew, and even now it affects me (bad dreams and memories, being scared at the simplest things, crying at the mere mention of what happened, etc.).


I finally managed to get away from them, and moved in with my Mom. I met Synthetik and we fell in love very quickly after meeting in school. He knew from the beginning of our relationship that I was kinky and all, since I was open with him about it.


Once, in the early days of our relationship, he and I went into a pet store to look at all the animals. We got to where the kittens were and took a couple out of their cages. I was so amazed, that someone as strong as he, sat there and was so gentle and loving to a little kitten he was holding.


I know it sounds weird, but it was honestly then I knew I could trust him completely. Here was this man, with all these different tattoos and piercings (some would think him scary for it, though not me), and he had such strength, but he held and petted the kitten in his big, warm hands, and wouldn't hurt it even though (I guess in a way) he had power over it. I kid you not, I was honestly fascinated by it (and still am).


I knew, because of that, that even if I was tied up and at his mercy (or just with him in general), that he would never harm me. Of course, he definitely has the physical power and strength that if he honestly wanted to hurt me in a bad way, he could.


But like with the kitten, I knew/know that he would never harm me just because he had that power to do so. And trust me, that means a great deal to me, especially with what I went through for those five years.


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To me, being his Slave (and fiancée, too) is about trust. It's about love, sex, pleasure, (good pain), commitment, and knowing that he won't harm me, or ask me to do something if it weren't good for me. It's all of the above, and so much more.


To me, it's everything.


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Thanks for reading, all :) I hope you enjoyed :) (And I hope that it answered the prompt, lol)
Persephone



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